A Vamp for President

Twilight lovers, prepare to vote! A self-proclaimed “vampire” from Florida is running for president. While it looks like the guy doesn’t sparkle, he is totally serious about becoming the first vampire president in U.S. history. He also claims he’s a direct descendent of Vlad the Impaler, or Dracula.

Jonathan “The Impaler” Sharkey is 45, engaged to a 19-year-old who believes she, too, is a vampire, and is the same age as his own daughter. You’d think a vampire would be a liberal, but the previously-registered Independent is planning on running on the Republican ticket for 2012.

I seriously don’t think he’s going to make it that far. For starters, he looks nothing like Robert Pattison; he looks more like a cross between John Carroll Lynch and Ted Nugent. And though he’s previously run for governor, senator, and presidential seats, it looks like he has zero experience in the politics department.

Then, of course, there’s the fact that he’s presumably a statutory rapist. The man has publicly bragged about having lots of teen girlfriends, and that he has not had a girlfriend over the age of 19 in many years. “It’s good to be me,” he gloats.

Charming, Vlad junior, just charming. That’s exactly the kind of person I’d like running my country—and especially whom I’d like the young boys of this nation to look up to.

I don’t even really give a damn about this guy’s “vampire” status as long as he isn’t hurting anyone—though if he’s screwing underage girls, he certainly is. And he’s apparently doing just that, as a 16-yar-old—whom he was previously engaged to, apparently—says that he brainwashed her, and her family has since filed a restraining order against him. He continues to text-message her like the weirdo in midlife crisis he seems to be. (Why isn’t this guy locked up, by the way?)

He’s also served jail time for intimidating a judge, stalked at least one other teen girl online, and has only recently been publicly claiming to be a vampire. According to those who know him, he used to be a traditional Republican, just without the fangs and emo coats. He’s currently on probation, too. So! Who’d like to go out and defend this dude canvassing door-to-door?

We’ve had crazier men in office before… well, maybe. But if he’s going to tout around his womanizing ways in front of the world, I don’t see anyone who’d want to elect him. Oh, wait…

Drac, I think it’s time to grow up. Let go of this “dream” of yours—it’s not gonna happen, dude—and go about your life. Be happy and say you’re a vampire for all I care (just don’t go eating babies or drinking people’s blood without their consent); just leave the politics—and the underage girls—alone. 

Jack Bauer is reel life

Reel life is where Jack Bauer lives, real life is where we are, and where effective counter-terrorism agents  work. Of course I like to watch Jack Bauer do this thing on TV, as the series nears its finale, Jack is off the hook -- doing what he does at his most Bauerist. A democracy doesn't need Jack Bauers to be safe. It needs the work of members of the security services whom don't go "off the hook," but who go about their work developing investigations that net and nab suspected terrorists.

Yesterday, May 13,  the FBI  seems to be doing just that. The FBI  seems to be on the move to shut down at least one terrorist plot, by putting the squeeze on suspected plotters. Arrests have been made. Suspects are being held on immigration charges. They are linked to Faisal Shahzad and the failed May 1st, New York Times Square bombing,  but maybe their role was unwittingly, said the feds. The feds have conducted several raids, and material, computers and records, have been seized for examination. A man, with ties to the Taliban, was arrested in Pakistan. Sources said. "He provided evidence that the Pakistani Taliban was behind the attack and admitted helping Shahzad get bomb-making training in Pakistan."

The fed sources say that Faisal Shahzad is continuing to cooperate with investigators. And this is without the use of the Jack Bauer type of interrogation. And U.S. counter-terrorism agents are developing leads as a result of that cooperation.  The whining and the cheap shots from some of, those among us, whose heads are stuck in TV land, and who want Jack Bauer running our security services, should stop, and hopefully those folks will chill.

The Tiger Takes A Time Out

Tiger Woods  was forced him to withdraw from last weekend's the Players Championship, and now he has dropped out of play, altogether, due to a serious neck injury. A MRI is scheduled later this week. Fans like myself are disappointed, but a neck injury is something ones play around with.  When asked about his future, Mr. Woods told the press, “ A lot of that’s still up in the air right now. It’s not a place where I wanted it to be, no doubt. “I want to practice. I want to play. I want to compete. But this is not allowing me to do the things that I need to do.’’

 "Mr. Woods said that his recent neck injury, is in no related to his car crash last December. See the Video. There is “zero connection,’’  he said. “Absolutely zero. My neck started bothering me when I really started to practice a lot."

With Mr. Woods off the course, the consensus is that  the PGA Tour will take a hit in attendance, viewership, and public interest.

Lena Horne: A Truly Great Departs

Lena Horne died yesterday, Sunday, May 10th in a New York hospital. She was 92. She was one of the world's greatest, entertainers. A jazz singer and actress, her musical roots are in Harlem. She had a career that lasted decades. She was a performer at the old Cotton Club. She was a  Broadway star, a movie star, a recording star, and she lived the life of  good person.

The Associated Press observed at her passing, "On screen, on records and in nightclubs and concert halls, Ms. Horne was at home vocally with a wide musical range, from blues and jazz to the sophistication of Rodgers and Hart in songs like 'The Lady Is a Tramp' and  'Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered.'  In her first big Broadway success, as the star of "Jamaica" in 1957, reviewer Richard Watts Jr. called her 'one of the incomparable performers of our time.' Songwriter Buddy de Sylva dubbed her 'the best female singer of songs.'  Her 1981 one-woman Broadway show, 'Lena Horne: The Lady and Her Music,' won a special Tony Award. In it, the then 64-year-old singer used two renditions — one straight and the other gut-wrenching — of "Stormy Weather" to give audiences a glimpse of the spiritual odyssey of her five-decade career. A sometimes savage critic, John Simon, wrote that she was "ageless ... tempered like steel, baked like clay, annealed like glass; life has chiseled, burnished, refined her.'"

Prepping for writing this post, I  listened again to recordings of Lena Horne singing several of the songs that she helped make famous. One of the many that stands out in my memory, as I write this post, is the song, "A Fine Romance." -- A fine romance, yes. Ms. Horne was a fine lady who lived life at its finest. Those of us who love music had a romance with her, as she had a romance with life. She is being remembered as a singer and as an activists for civil rights. She had a voice that to hear it sing made the moment seem better. And she was an activist, who used her talent to work to try to make life better.

Lena Horne, R.I.P.

Her bio. Videos to check out: Lena Horne on Good Morning America, talks about her upcoming soon to be hit Broadway show The Lady & Her Music to Joan Lunden in 1981,  Stormy Weather (1943), A Fine Romance.

Lena Horne denitely delivers. Her classic signature song, "Stormy Weather," in a medley with her latter-day anthem "If You Believe," the song from the musical 'The Wiz'.

The Tiger Withdraws

Item  from the Associated Press -- "Tiger Woods could be in for some more time on the sidelines after withdrawing from the final round of The Players Championship with a neck injury." See the video.

"He was supposed to be on the ninth hole at The Players Championship. In another stunning twist for someone whose life used to be so predictable, Woods withdrew suddenly with neck pain that he fears might be a bulging disk. Woods was so frustrated that he slammed his golf shoe to the floor while taking questions from three reporters. 'I've been playing through it,' Woods said of pain he first felt before the Masters. "I can't play through it anymore.' "

Okay, Tiger Woods, on a journey toward sports glory,  had to drop out of a tournament. So? The Tiger  is not a character who has stepped out of the movies. He is not a sports hero who sprung to life from Greek myth. Tiger Woods is a human being. Today, Sunday, May 9th, he had to drop out of The Players Championship because  he is a human being . Sure, we hope that he is the man of destiny who will make history, by leaving the records of all of the other great golfers in the dust of the past. He still has roads to travel.  And he still has time to pass the goal.

Betty Rocked; The Writers Did Not

I tuned in 11:30 last night, Saturday, May 8 and watched the Saturday Night Live Mother's Day special hosted by Betty White, with musical guest Jay-Z.  First the consensus of the fans reaction to the show, via Twitter -- "Betty White Rules!",  "Betty  White effin rocks!", "Betty  White kicked SNL'S ass! Best SNL ever!!!!!!!!"

Now for my reaction to the show: Off the top, I don't see why Jay-Z was the musical guest. His music just didn't fit the theme. Even his second song, "Forever Young," which at the end, like an afterthought, he said was a tribute to Betty White, convinced me that scheduling his appearance was somebody's afterthought. That song is his latest standard. I've seen it better performed, elsewhere by him, featuring his wife Beyoncé.

The show's material over-all wasn't all that funny. There were a some laughs. Betty White performed like a trooper, the comedy writers under preformed, their contribution to the show was lacking, so much of the material was mediocre.

USA Today, in their review of the show, said, "90 mediocre minutes with White is still preferable to time spent with most anyone else, if only because our collective affection for her makes even the worst material look a little better."

The Associated Press -- "(Betty) White was the queen bee, appearing in nearly every bit throughout the 90-minute span — and never failing to punch it up."

I'm sure  her three "MacGruber" sketches,  the "muffin" sketch and  the "Thank You for Being A Friend," the digital short, with the "SNL" cast members singing  "The Golden Girls" theme song,  will find a life on the Internet. She was great. The show wasn't all that good.

Betty White, SNL, Tomorrow Nite

This afternoon the net is buzzing again about the 88 year old  Betty White, veteran comedy star, whose work, NBC PR people remind us, spans seven decades. Twitter is tweeting in over time with reminders from fans to tune in tomorrow night, May 8th,  at 1l:30 PM to NBC, to see what fans are hoping is going to be a "legendary" Saturday Night Live Show, hosted by Betty White, with musical guest Jay-Z. The show will be SNL special Mother's Day episode. In many ways, it is a "command performance." The suits at NBC and SNL are giving the fan what we demanded, via Facebook and Tweeter, to see Betty White on SNL. Betty White will be joined on the show by SNL vets Molly Shannon, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph and Ana Gasteyer. Fans are demanding that the SNL writers write Betty White some good jokes. Millions of fans, including myself, are looking forward to this show.

In a pre-SNL warmup, Better White returned to Jimmy Fallon for a beer pong mematch.

Little Girls Gone Wild

What's hot in the US this afternoon is unbelievable. Little tweens and teens gone wild and mean, all because Justin said he liked Kim. More than liked her, said that she was his girl friend. And --

Okay. So Justin Bieber likes the look of  Kim Kardashian. Frankly, what young man wouldn't? Okay. Justin is 16. Kim is 29. Okay. Justin has a zillion fans who are little girl. Well, he is a young kid. So Justin met Kim at the White House Press Dinner last Saturday night. There were hundreds of other people there too. So they apparently got along well, because. Justin had a picture of himself taken with Kim and posted the picture on his Twitter page and with the caption  ""Look it's my girlfriend,." And Kim  tweeted to the world via Twitter that she "officially [has] Bieber Fever!!!"  Well,   Justin  fans went wacky wild. Kim got death threats from Justin's fans! So many that by last night, an alarmed Kim tweeted to Justin "I'm getting death threats! This is unBeliebable!!!"
This morning Justin had to plea with fans -- "Ladies," he tweeted " calm down."  He told the fans that  Kim Kardashian is not his girl friend -- just a friend."

Well! Unbelievable.

Sources: People, MTV

 

Leno A Big Banana

Last evening May 1st, a Saturday night, Jay Leno performed live at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner. A gig  where he had a chance to look good before the airing of this Sunday evening's "60 Minutes" show, with a segment featuring Conan O'Brien, saying not so nice things about him. This morning, there's a clip on the net of excerpts of Leno's  monologue/dinner speech. The jokes are the usual 'Tonight Show" material, pokes at President Obama, at the Republicans, at RNC Chairman, Michael Steele,  and at the political climate in the capitol. The jokes start a little slow then toward the end there are a couple of zingers.

The White House Correspondents' Dinner, is an annual Washington event, attended by the President, and other leading Washington politicians, and by reporters of the media, whom have clout, whose guests include big names of Hollywood and New York, and other rizzy places. This morning's Washington Post on-line has a slide show of the red carpet arrivals of the biggy shots. The idea behind The White House Correspondents' Dinner is probably a good one. The press and the pols have an annual sit down, among guests, and the idea, I guess, is to remind each other, over a good dinner, and some jokes, and a little humor, that everyone is human --  though they spend their professional lives demonizing each other.

Didn't Get It Done

What's happening to Tiger Woods? He missed  the cut at the Quail Hollow Championship. Distractions? Trying too hard? The number 1 golfer in the world had a disastrous day yesterday at what had been seen as a warm up tournament for the next major.

The Tiger scored a dismal 79, yesterday. It was as if an impostor had taken Tiger's place on the course -- with three straight bogeys on the back nine. Well, even the greats had an off day. Babe Ruth had days when he struck out, and Muhammad Ali  went to the canvas on the rare occasion. So the Tiger took an early exit from a tournament?

Asked for a  comment on not making the cut, the Tiger responded, "It does bother me, no doubt. But at least I get the weekend to watch and see how it's done, how real players play golf."

Well, yes. Okay. What's next on the tour.?

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