A cartoon depicting the fifty states as seen by New Yorkers is making the rounds on the Interweb these days. Somehow New Yorkers know that Kansas City exists? Who knew. Inspired by this map, here is a list of what Americans seem to think about every state in this fine country:
California: Hippies making wine unless they live in northern California growing another kind of plant, in San Francisco making gay babies or in Los Angeles killing cinema’s soul.
Washington: Slightly nerdy, techie hipsters trying to passive-aggressively belittle their Starbucks baristas while absorbed in their Apple products and espresso drinks.
Nebraska: Corn begot Warren Buffett; Warren Buffet begot steak; from hence the corn you came, Warren, to the corn you will again return.
Florida: Elderly Jews battle alligators (or are those crocodiles?) for the prime spots on fly-swarmed beaches.
New Hampshire: A kid in my class in college said that rocks invaded her New Hampshire backyard every spring. ? This is all I know about New Hampshire. Correct me if you know any more.
Illinois: Chicago is the city of Big Shoulders and tall buildings and Lake Michigan. The Chicago suburbs take up the whole state it seems, so if you live in Illinois, you just say, “I’m from the Chicago suburbs.”
Idaho: In between harvesting yukon gold potatoes, Idahoans have time to kick the nonexistent black people out of their state in Klu Klux Klan hats.
Alabama: Psychotic football fans. Civil War recreators mixing up the outcome.
Wisconsin: Cheese, beer and Packers isn’t entirely a stereotype, but if you had cheese and beer as delicious as the cheese and beer in this state, you wouldn’t care that you were entirely living up to your reputation, either.
New York: New York City: the Greatest City on Earth! If you live in New York, but not New York City, people are confused.
Kentucky: Shiny, happy white people with southern accents eating Kentucky Fried Chicken in their shiny, happy, white Sunday best. You don’t know their secrets, though,they may have gone all Deliverance with their favorite Derby jockeys in their backrooms.
Arizona: If you’re Mexican, don’t go here. If you’re under 65, you probably shouldn’t come either.
Iowa: Must be pretty live-and-let-live in Iowa because they let homosexuals marry (although allowing the marriage of a man to his cow may be coming next) as long as those homosexuals bring a casserole to the next picnic function at church.
To be continued….