Bieber = Upgrade From Ozzy? Yeah, I Don't Think So

Bieber = Upgrade From Ozzy? Yeah, I Don't Think So

In a recent Super Bowl commercial, Best Buy announced that when it’s time to upgrade one of your technological products (since it’s ALWAYS time to upgrade, since companies use planned obsolescence every day to make sure we’re constantly buying, upgrading, wasting resources, and funding genocide), they’ll buy it back so you can get the new version (because you NEED IT! You need it badly, right now, and you should stand in a line all night until you get it!). Well, the policy itself, if it is even true at face value, is a little cool, since it would be less costly for people in general. But the commercial is pretty stupid.

It has Ozzy Osbourne attempting to tell the public about this deal, but he’s so “outdated” that he just can’t get a grasp on the technology. So they bring in one of the most annoying media presences of the decade (not longer than a decade, since that’s about as old as he is), Justin Bieber, to take over for Ozzy. The implication is that Bieber is the “upgrade” of Ozzy Osbourne.

Wait—what? Justin Bieber is not just being compared with Ozzy Osbourne; he’s being hailed as his…upgrade?

I have tears running down my face, I’m laughing so hard. If humor is what you were going for, Best Buy, you totally rocked it, because that’s just the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. Of course, I don’t think that was the part you meant to be humorous. I think the part you meant to be humorous was the end of the commercial, during which Ozzy asks, “What’s a Bieber?” and is told that “it looks like a girl.” As much as I detest children being used as media ploys and all of the gross commercialism that surrounds them—there’s nothing that creates tiny tot consumers faster than putting a tiny tot on stage, after all—I don’t think it’s right to make fun of Justin Bieber or to question his gender on national television as a joke. It’s not funny.

But comparing him, a fly-by-night fad reminiscent of New Kids on the Block, the Backstreet Boys, NSYNC and every other boy band bane of my childhood, to Ozzy Osbourne, who no matter what you think of him and what he’s done to animals and the English language, is an actual rocker, musician, talent, and cultural impact that will last as long as humans do, even post-death, is.

Upgrade, indeed. If this is how music upgrades, I’ll keep my vinyl collection and tape deck, thanks.