10 Things NOT to Do in Public

10 Things NOT to Do in Public



  •  Unless you are under the age of three (and then it is still questionable), DO NOT pick your nose in public. I don’t want to see you flicking your boogars all over the streets, I’m tired of looking at you digging for gold that you will never find in places that should not be explored, and it truthfully makes me wonder if maybe you are perchance in need of a little help in the nose regard.
  •  Expose your flab unnecessarily. The exception of course is if you are actually participating in a sporting event and no, walking slowly in the mall DOES NOT count. I don’t care if you are larger than the average person, I just don’t feel its appropriate to display your flab in most cases.
  •  Shout at women who would never condescend to speak to you in the first place- not because they are stuck up, but because most women are not particularly wooed at the sound of “Nice tits”. Some are, but unless you are as good-looking as they are or they are extremely intoxicated, it won’t get you anywhere. Guaranteed.
  •  Masturbate. This goes into the category with the flab. You can do it in the privacy of your own home, but whipping it out in public is extremely inadvisable. No one wants to clean up your mess.
  •  Cut off pedestrians with your car. As tempting as the idea of scaring the occasional pedestrian may be, you are driving, they are walking, accidentally hitting them is NOT really that good of an idea. Call it a cultural thing.
  •  Brag about your accomplishments and who you know to people that could care less. The time to do that is maybe in a job interview, or maybe to your Grandma or perhaps a family member, but most people don’t care.
  • Spit. I know that it is acceptable in Asia, but this isn’t Asia. I don’t want to step on your Loogey, no matter how attractive you think it might be.
  •  Vomit on the sidewalk. In some places, sidewalk vomit is actually called “Pizza” - this doesn’t make it ok or endear you to anyone at all.10.  Play pocket pool. It is a lot more obvious than you think it is when you do it. No matter how secretive you are, all eyes be on you wondering wtf is that guy doing.